iDrew: Three Poems

iName  

well i got a reply from this editor

asking how i do my name

i said

iDrew to co-ordinate with my titles

you know how we girls like

things to match

he replied

well miss iDrew

titles

is a bit of a funny little word

tit-les(s)

as you like playing around with words

now i’m wondering

how the fuck does he know

i’m so not blessed

in that department

and why are men so obsessed

but i’m thinking of making up

a new word for titles

clitles

it will be at the top of the page

yet i’m betting most he editors

still won’t find it

not even with a diagram

on the cuntents page

iAngel

with a tinsel halo

and a pair of little feather wings

butter wouldn’t melt

dressed in white

like a choir

we were singing naff pop songs

as loud as we could

snaking our way

along the high street

pretending we were dead good

lined up

on the guest list

we sounded like a latin prayer

mia donna christina

emma victoria alice emma

rachel drew hannah gemma

holly joanne holly may sophie

ami

but after the club shut

we were that dun in on holy water

hannah had a gutter wee

down the side street by monsoon      

donna caught a whiff of the body shop

threw up on their doorstep

she almost passed out outside waterstones

sat on the pavement taking deep breaths

legs wide open

joanne

for no apparent reason

tossed a burger

at the window of jane norman

holly had dun her first pill

was electric and sparklin’ and buzzin’

all loved-up with everyone

one of the emma’s gave it large

about some flash buff bloke

fingered for a phone number

and a bottle of doubleewekaydee blue

alice reckoned she’d given some lad

a shuffle in his pants

slut rachel fessed she went

so much further

than that

becci’s hen night was well wicked

shame becci vanished with the stripper

wasn’t around to witness

christina flashing her tits at some fit copper

even though we’d forgotten

most of the words       

we was still singing robbie’s angels

with our voices ever so saintly and sweet

that angelic

are we

iCunt

it’s not my pussy

if anything it’s a lion

even down to a little tiny

golden mane

it’s not my muff

or minge

and don’t call it a fanny

it’s not victorian

gash sounds like an injury

vagina is just

so text book medical

but there really is no need

to cradle it in a gusset

of fanciful euphemisms

my cunt is my cunt

beautiful and divine

glorious and heavenly 

and i so love my little cunt

for it gives me so much

pleasure and ecstasy

Writing under the name of iDrew to co-ordinate with her titles, Essex girl Drew has previously been published in various magazines such as: ‘The Delinquent’, ‘Battered Suitcase’, ‘All Things Girl’, and the ‘Read This Skin Deep Anthology’.  She enjoys shopping, boys and clubs but claims these are all merely research for her writing.   She is also one of the founding members of the Clueless Collective and can be found at:  www.cluelesscollective.co.uk